Learn how to change your mindset and shift your perspective with practical examples and free worksheets for reframing negative thoughts, arguments, mistakes, and more.
Perspective is important. This was known even in ancient times; this is not just a modern self-help concept. From Marcus Aurelius (Rome) to Epictetus (Greece) to Lao Tzu (China), thinkers throughout history have explored how changing the way we view our circumstances can change the way we experience—and respond to—our lives.
Today, we might talk about changing your mindset, shifting your perspective, or using techniques such as positive reframing. Whatever you call it, sometimes changing the way you look at something can change what you do next.
Below, we’re going to look at practical ways to change your perspective: valuing your time, seeing a situation from another point of view, focusing on what you can control, reframing negative thoughts, and learning from mistakes. I’ve included several free printable worksheets to help you put these ideas into practice.
Table of contents
Instructions for Printing
There are multiple printables throughout this post. Each has an image so you can preview it, with the PDF file nearby for download.
• Print options: regular paper works fine.
• All of the files are in pdf below. Just hit the “download” button (or pink word “download,” depending upon browser).
• The default size of these is full-page. However, if you want smaller, simply reduce the print size. If you’re not sure on how much to reduce the size, check out my post “How to Resize Printables to Fit Your Planner.”
Start Valuing Your Time
First we’re going to play around with time a little bit. I know, I know. It sounds weird. But even though we know we only have an allotted number of days, hours, and minutes, out time still tends to seem endless.
But it’s not. It’s our most precious resource. We can’t buy more time, we can’t renew it, we can’t earn or steal it. I first stumbled across Tim Urban while studying history and found his amazing “Putting Time in Perspective” article. (If you really want your mind blown on how small a part of history humanity is, check out the post.)
Finding his site led me to “Your Life in Weeks.” The article visually demonstrates how, while the days may feel endless, life is actually very short. That means it’s important to prioritize valuing your time.
1,000 (Active) Minutes in a Day
Your day starts with exactly 1,440 minutes. Assume you’re going to sleep about 7 & 1/2 hours. That will leave us with 1,000 minutes. For the ease of viewing things, let’s break those into 10-minute blocks.
So you’re standing there looking at 100 little blocks, 10-minutes each, that you get to “spend” throughout the day. (Doesn’t seem like very many when you look at it that way, huh?)
Years ago, back when husband was stationed in Washington state, I got an app called Eternity Time Log to start tracking where all my time was going. (Ever gone to bed wondering what in the world you accomplished that day? THAT was what I was trying to solve.) I dutifully made categories (housework, work, volunteer, school, etc.) and tracked for a few days. Then kept doing it. Conclusions?
1) I have a serious tendency to get distracted like a squirrel by shiny stuff. And spending 15 dedicated minutes on something is better than 5 here and 5 there.
2) I was wasting a vast amount of time. “Just a 5 minute break to read a book” and “let’s check my e-mail quick” and (of course) “let’s just scroll for a few minutes” were taking up a lot of time.
The first thing I suggest doing is, for a few days, tracking how you’re spending your waking hours. It doesn’t need to involve an app you’re opening every 10 minutes to switch tasks. I have an easy printable below. It has 100 blocks. Each block represents 10 minutes of your day.
Obviously, you have to brush your teeth, take showers, eat meals, etc. But this should help get you thinking about it:
• Is going out for lunch worth the 4 or 5 blocks it will take? Or is grabbing a bite at your desk a better use of your time?
• While you’re working, if you check your e-mail for the fifth time…you’ve probably killed at least one block just re-checking your e-mail. Maybe only check it at specific times?
• Is going out to dinner or drinks with friends worth 6 or 7 blocks? If so, which friends do you really want to spend those blocks on? (Probably NOT the one who is chronically 15-20 minutes late, holding up the whole night.)
• Standing in line somewhere. Maybe you should go at non-peak shopping times. Or can you use that block you spend standing in line to do something productive? (Phones make this possible.)
Here is an image of the 100-block worksheet. It can be used both for the task above and one described below.
The actual file includes not only the worksheet, but also instructions for the two tasks. No need to take notes from this post!
Set a Timer for “Useless” Activities
I don’t think I’m the only one guilty of doom scrolling. And we all need a break. That’s just a fact of psychology—we cannot run at 100% all the time.
But try setting a timer on your phone for breaks. Whether it’s doomscrolling, catching up on friends’ photos on your platform of choice, or even reading a book, don’t lose an hour when you only meant to spend 10 minutes relaxing.
Look at Your Week in Hours
This exercise in changing your perspective on time is kind of a flip of the last one. Looking at your day in a limited number of little 10-minute increments makes it seem like you don’t have much time. But looking at your week in hours can actually make it seem like you have all the time in the world!
In one week, you have 168 hours.
• We’re going to give 7 hours a night to sleep. That leaves us 119.
• Let’s give another 5 hours a week to grooming- brushing teeth, showers, etc. Now we’re down to 114.
• Assign 14 hours a week to cooking and eating. That’s 2 hours a day dedicated to just that. We’re down to 100 hours.
But 100 hours! That’s quite a bit of time. That to-do list doesn’t look quite so long from this perspective.
Oddly enough, I just happen to have a printable up above broken into 100 blocks (haha). If you haven’t printed it out because you don’t think you can track your life in 10-minute blocks, could you try just tracking it roughly in hours? Now, how are you going to spend those 100 hours?
• Is wasting an hour a day on Facebook, TikTok, or other social media worth seven blocks off that sheet?! (And don’t even tell me there aren’t people spending more than an hour a day watching stupid video after stupid video…not saying YOU…just saying some people.)
• Do you want to steal back some of that 2 hours a day spent on cooking and eating? Or is this a part of life you enjoy?
• Is arguing with the kids worth a block a day (seven blocks off the sheet)? If not, start researching ways to stop the arguments. You might have to try a few methods (not every kid is the same) and those methods might change over time (dealing with teenagers is obviously different than a toddler…I think…haha).
One example- my 4-year-old wanted to wear his shirt backwards a few days ago (he wanted to see the rocket ship on it all day long). This was so NOT worth 5 minutes of my time arguing. He wore the shirt backwards. Another day he wanted to wear his dinosaur sweater. In 90 degree heat. Fine, put a short sleeve shirt on underneath. Yep, after 10 minutes outside, he decided dino could “take a nap.”
See Things From a Different Perspective
We looked at time and twisted it around so we could get a better perspective on life. Now, let’s
try to look beyond our point of view. You know the advice to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. That’s easier said than done, especially when you’re convinced you’re right. These exercises are designed to help you step outside your own position and see things from a different perspective.
Argument Reset
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”- Maya Angelou
Arguments do NOT bring out the best in people. And conflict—arguments, disagreements, whatever you prefer to call it—is inevitable between people. Loved ones, significant others, friends, co-workers, even strangers get into arguments.
I’m in a food blogger group on Facebook (yes, Facebook…am I dating myself?…haha). Someone was on there complaining that someone had posted the green, sick emoji on one of their recipes. My initial reaction was that the emoji person was trying to be funny and just didn’t like radishes. (I’ve felt the urge to use that emoji when someone shares avocado!)
But the person took this as a statement on their recipe development skills or their blog…hell, their life choices from the way it sounded (they were very dramatic). Maybe someone was being mean. Or maybe someone just meant to be funny. The point is, we don’t always know what someone else intended—and once we’re upset, it’s very easy to assume we do.
If you just want to mentally go through some of the questions (without downloading the worksheet):
• Does the other person have a legitimate grievance? Even if not in the original argument, in what followed.
In other words, what could you have handled differently?
• Be clear what the real issue is. Is what you’re arguing about on the surface the real problem?
• If you don’t find their argument valid, expand your view. Is there something in their life that is making them feel this way? Can you try to understand it?
• Are you sure you understand their point of view? Are you 100% sure you’re not attributing emotions to them that they’re not feeling?
• Name three ways you can express your anger in a healthy fashion. What should you avoid?
• What are some constructive next steps you can take?
Use the argument reset worksheet to step back from the disagreement, consider the other person’s point of view, and decide what comes next.
Argue the Opposite Side of the Issue
“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” – Horace Walpole
When I was in college, a professor gave us a list of controversial topics. We picked one. Then we wrote a paper arguing our position. Great! This was easy! What an assignment!
But he was tricking us. Or at least setting us up for the real assignment. The next week, we were assigned to argue the opposite side. I thought this was impossible (after all, I was on the RIGHT side of the argument! haha). But I analyzed the supporting arguments for the other point of view…and realized that maybe the other side had some good arguments too. I didn’t change my mind on the issue overall. But I did learn that it wasn’t as clear-cut as I had thought.
There are very few issues facing the world today in which one side is completely wrong. (Though I think we can all agree genocide is wrong.)
Life isn’t black and white. Once you accept that the other person has some valid points—even if you don’t agree with them overall—it’s easier to let go of some of the anger surrounding an argument.
Free printable counter-argument worksheet to help you step back and consider both sides of the argument.
Can You Really Know What Their Shoes Feel Like?
We can rarely see things from the point of view of another person because we look at the facts through the screen of an impression or an interest which distorts our view; and then there are accusations, quarrels and misunderstandings.” – Barry Long in “Knowing Yourself: The True in the False”
You’ve heard the old saying “Don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”
What that saying doesn’t mention is that it’s impossible to truly walk a mile in their shoes.
That means we often find ourselves assigning motivations and feelings to other people. This is necessary in many cases. Our minds are built to function like this. And we don’t have time to question everyone- even if they would answer honestly. But we often don’t realize that our assumptions are incorrect.
So you have two choices. When you don’t know someone’s motivations, which assumptions do you think will lead to a better life? And have a better effect on the people around you?
• Choice #1: Assume the negative.
-That person cutting you off is just an a*hole.
-Janice is being a b*tch because that’s the way she is.
-Neil ignored you when you waved the other day because he’s embarrassed by you and doesn’t like you.
-The cashier at the grocery store didn’t smile or say ‘thank you’ because they’re a miserable person just spreading the lack of joy.
• Choice #2: Assume the positive.
– That person cutting you off was rude…but he’s desperately late for an appointment or in a rush because of an emergency.
– Janice is being harsh today because she just found out her mom is dying. Or because she had another argument with her husband. It wasn’t about you…she was just stressed.
-Neil didn’t see you!
-The cashier is working open to close and her kid is sick. She’s worried and forgot to be polite to the hundredth person they’ve seen that day.
Of course, you don’t actually know whether any of those kinder explanations are true either. That’s the point. If you’re going to make assumptions, why automatically choose the explanation that makes you angry?
Look at those choices. Which do you think is going to make you happier in the long run?
Look at What You Can Control
“Some people never observe anything. Life just happens to them. They get by on little more than a kind of dumb persistence, and they resist with anger and resentment anything that might lift them out of that false serenity.”- Mother Superior Taraza in the Dune Series.
I’m going to be straight-up honest. Two of the most useful pieces of advice I’ve gotten in my life were HARSH. As in, I was instantly angry and offended. Didn’t react well. Stormed off. In one case, I said some harsh things as well.
Then…when I calmed down…I realized that maybe the person had a point. In both cases, I ended up making major life changes. Not because the other person did the work. But because they were brave enough to be honest. And I was intelligent enough (after a bit of sulking) to listen.
Your Career
I get it. If you’re reading this shortly after I wrote it, the economy sucks. I’ve read of people putting in a hundred applications and not hearing a damn thing. I’ve also read of people doing everything they can in their spare time to learn more. In their field. In a different field. Taking courses, earning certifications, or doing tutorials for systems or programs. (No, I’m not saying just “learn to code” is the answer.)
I know that none of that guarantees you’re going to get a job. You can do absolutely everything right and still run into circumstances beyond your control. But, in those circumstances, it’s important to identify what you CAN control. What can you do to improve your chances?
For example, I know of someone who works in a grocery store as a cashier. That’s fine. We need cashiers. I used to be one ages ago. This person is constantly complaining about this job. While I don’t know their job performance at this particular job, I DO know about something about their previous job. We were having a family lunch and their dad asked “Doesn’t your shift start soon?”. “Oh, yeah. But it’s no big deal. I’m late all the time. They don’t care as long as I show up.” Um, no. That’s not how it works. Their dad tried to tell them that. Color us all absolutely shocked when they were “let go” a couple of months later.
It’s on you to create moments of growth and opportunity. It’s not other people’s responsibility to nurture you along and make sure you grow.
Personal Relationships
I read AITA (Am I the Asshole?) on Reddit! I come from a family where there is some drama llama stuff going on. I get it. I used to volunteer at a homeless shelter for women and children. And, after having a kid and joining some mom Facebook groups, I’ve realized some mothers are stuck living in situations in an attempt to help their kids. In those situations, only you can figure out what resources are available: government programs, shelters, food banks, medical assistance programs, etc. I’m not going to even try to tell you what you should do.
For everyone else—the people constantly complaining about their “friends” or family that they’re not forced to live with—why are you giving this person so much access to your life?
You don’t necessarily need to do the dramatic “I shall cut you out completely” thing. But you can set boundaries around your actions.
– Spend less time with someone.
– Stop sharing personal information with that person who constantly uses it against you. Whether they’re sharing it with people they shouldn’t, throwing it back at you later, etc., you don’t have to keep giving them information.
– Decline invitations. That family vacation every summer? Yeah, you’re not actually required by law to attend.
– Don’t answer the phone. Okay, that’s probably from the the year 2005. I mean: leave that text message unanswered.
You can’t control how other people behave. You CAN control how much they have access to your time, information, energy, and emotions.
When Bad Things Happen…
Bad things are going to happen. But, over time, you can choose what you do next.
My brother and sister-in-law lost their son Drew (he wasn’t even three) to cancer. You can imagine how difficult it was. In the years since, they’ve started a charity Warrior Wagons and Heidi just published a book sharing some of the things she’s learned.
Though I hate the Huffington Post, one of their articles did say something insightful: “When life comes and sweeps you off your feet, you have the choice to remain on the ground where people will coddle you or get up so people will be inspired by you.”
Reframe the Way You Look at Things
“And the first lesson of all was the basic trust that he could learn. It’s shocking to find
how many people do not believe they can learn, and how many more believe learning
to be difficult. Muad’Dib knew that every experience carries its lesson.” -Dune Series.
Mistakes happen. They’re inevitable. Bad thoughts intrude. Also inevitable.
But as mentioned above, we have control over some things. Below are some worksheets and examples to help with reframing negative thoughts, turning mistakes into lessons, and looking at the bigger picture.
How to Reframe Negative Thoughts
We all have negative thoughts. Some are, sadly, valid. Nobody is perfect.
Some, however, are not valid. Or—if there is some truth in them—can be looked at in a different, more productive way. This process is sometimes called positive reframing. It doesn’t mean pretending a negative situation is actually good. Instead, you’re looking for another accurate and potentially more useful way to interpret it.
Positive Reframing Examples
Negative thought: “If I fail, it means I’m not good enough and will never succeed at this.”
Positive reframing: “Every failure is a learning opportunity. I can learn something from it and do better next time, bringing me closer to success.”
Negative thought: “My spouse and I are always fighting. Maybe we should just get divorced.”
Positive reframing: “All relationships have conflict. We have different perspectives, and that’s normal. We can learn and grow as a couple.”
Negative thought: “I can’t change. It’s too difficult and stressful and I’ll probably fail anyways.”
Positive reframing: “Change is a part of life. It’s inevitable. And deciding to change can have a positive long-term impact.”
Negative thought: “I missed two weeks of workouts. This is pointless—I’m always going to be out of shape.”
Positive reframing: “I can start fresh today. It doesn’t have to be an intense, full workout—just a walk is better than nothing.”
Negative thought: “Everyone else at work seems to know exactly what they’re doing. I’m completely out of my depth. I’ll probably never get promoted or might even get fired.”
Positive reframing: “It is normal to feel challenged when growing. Being around people who know more than I do gives me an opportunity to learn.”
The reframing negative thoughts worksheet is designed to help you:
• Identify the negative thought
• Look at event/situation that led to the thought
• Ask if the thought is relevant to the situation
• Examine the evidence that the thought is true or false
• Consider the consequences of continuing to believe the thought
• Reframe the thought in a more positive manner
Look at the Bigger Picture
“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”- Douglas Adams
Things happen. Good and bad. And we constantly have to deal with situations. Everything from a minor argument with a friend to bad treatment by your boss to whether to buy that house or not.
One concept I’ve run across is Suzy Welch’s 10-10-10 framework. In it, Suzy Welch asks you to analyze what the consequences of your actions will be in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years. (Those are rough time frames…you can also do an hour from now, next year, and 9 years from now…haha. The concept holds up.)
Let’s take the example above—bad treatment by your boss. If this is a consistent thing, you might be feeling the urge to quit. What are the potential consequences?
-10 minutes: You might feel great! (You might even feel better if you told your boss off in the bargain. Though I do NOT recommend that a professional act.) But you now don’t have a job. Or a paycheck.
-10 months: Where are your finances? Did you have enough savings? Did you find another job? Are you happier there—or do you regret leaving the old one?
-10 years: Does this particular job matter in the long run? Could it lead to a career pivot—maybe even a better outcome? On the other hand, could staying have led to an eventual improvement in your situation?
While Suzy Welch applies it to making decisions, the same basic concept can be applied to feelings, which are often transitory. Is that argument with your friend THAT serious? Was it a small spat? Or was it actually an indication of a serious problem in the relationship? How might you view what happened in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years?
If you have a situation or feeling causing stress, it’s useful to stop and take a look at the bigger picture before deciding what to do next.
Turn Mistakes Into Lessons
“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”
-John Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love
“I made a mistake.” Those can be very hard words to admit. Especially if it was more along the lines of “Whoops, told the boss off” and not just “Whoops, dropped and broke the peppermint extract.”
The good news about mistakes is that they are learning opportunities. Sometimes the lesson is small: do NOT try to get the giant salt container out by “gracefully” lifting it over the glass bottle of peppermint extract sitting in front of it.
Others are much larger mistakers. Such as telling off the boss. Or flopping on a presentation (or product launch…ouch, that one hurt personally).
You can’t undo a mistake, but you can change what you take away from it. Below is a worksheet to help you turn mistakes into lessons.
The Turning Mistakes Into Lessons worksheet is designed to help you:
• Identify what happened
• Consider the circumstances contributing to the situation
• Examine how the outcome affected you, others, and the situation
• Consider what you could have been done differently
• Identify what you learned
• Decide what to do differently in the future
What Was Most Helpful to You?
Did you something that helped change your mindset or shift your perspective? Maybe looking at how you spend your time made you think differently about how you value it. Or perhaps you tried the counter-argument worksheet, positive reframing worksheet, or one of the other exercises.
Whatever was most helpful, comment below and let me know. I’d love to hear which idea or worksheet made you look at something in a different way.
And could you do me a quick favor? If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends. You’ll find the share buttons at the top of the page.
Thank you for this article and all the others that you’ve written. Thank you for the printables that you’ve made. I know you’ve probably heard this before, but reading this has made me feel so much better and gives me hope of improving my life.
Thank you! I LOVE hearing comments like this. Sometimes I don’t get a lot of feedback, so it’s wonderful to hear that I’m helping people.
This has really helped me jump start my “New New 2023” life style change!